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John's HOT NLP Tips March 2018 Issue
Over 19 Years on the Internet Without a Single Miss!

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3. ANSWERING THE CALL - John G. Johnson


John La Valle

For years I've been telling people that if they're working harder than their clients or customers, then they are doing something wrong! Now, since this means they ought to take a look at what they're doing and how, I like to start before where most people think any strategy starts. Even in your own decision making, there are places to check for what you're sorting for, especially when choosing who you want as customers. That's right, too many people throw out the net and try catch as many as they can. And if you prescribe to the Pareto Principal at all, then you know that 80% of your business comes from 20% of your customers, and that you spend most of your time with the other 80% who either don't give you business, or very little.

The best sales people have something very special that they do: they *decide* if the relationship is right! While many people think that "closing" the sale is where it's at, I can tell you from my own experience that it's not! In today's market, it's about *Relationship Management*. It has been all along, but it's even more important today than ever. The internet has changed the world dramatically! People, like me, like you, are inundated daily with information, offers, opportunities, etc. And this has caused a shift in the Meta Program Sequencing of many, many people. Because of the *stack overload* of the information, I find that many people now are filtering their email, hence their input, based on *who* is sending it, as a primary sort. This tells me a lot about the value of relationships! And it may also have crossed over into the context of regular junk snail mail, or perhaps that's where it started. At any rate, the information isn't enough, anymore.

So, how best to manage the relationship of selling? Similar to your other relationships, if you have a good strategy for that. Who do you want to do business with? Of course you'd want them to have a need or desire for your product or service, but what about your other criteria? Do you really want to do business with everyone? Aren't there some customers you already have that are more work than return? Even with our seminars, there are people we turn away, for their good, as well as ours.

Think about who your potential customers are and let's assume they have a need or desire for what you have to offer.

Here are some questions worth asking yourself about them, or of them, even, although you'll want to change some of the questions a bit:
  1. Do they make decisions? While we all know that everyone makes decisions, what's the depth of their decision making ability? How much information do *they* need or want in order to process through their strategy?

  2. How do they make decisions? We can break this one down into other pieces:
    1. How are they motivated to start their decision making strategy (which is a decision itself)

    2. Once started, are they proactive or reactive inside the strategy they are operating in? This will let you know the difference between whether or not they will take action on their own, or will need to be reminded (by you) to take the action, like sending in that contract. While you can easily detect this in their use of active or passive verbs and complete or incomplete sentence structures, consider that this part of their strategy is also going into another strategy (subroutine).

      For example, if they are reactive, then at the end of their strategy of decision making, they will say, or think, or represent in some way, "Yes, but not now." And this may in many cases have nothing to do with your product or service, nor their desire for it necessarily, but another subroutine in their own strategy that stops them, or redirects their attention, or moves them into hesitating, some internal state that isn't necessarily useful to you. None of this is wrong, actually, and can be useful to them, for them. Recognize it and you'll know what to do next, which is the next secret of the best sales people: They KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT, regardless.

      This will let you know how much of the relationship *You* will *Have To* manage.

    3. How are they comparing? Remember that every decision is made by comparing one thing to another. It's either, "go", or "no go" from that point after the comparison. Are they comparing against what they already have, or know, or are they comparing what's different from their past experiences, or how it can be different?

      What are their criteria? What's important to them about what you are offering? Make no assumptions here. Everyone may very well have different answers to the same question, and linked to a very positive feeling, or state. This is one of the basis' of Persuasion Engineering® . Rather than give you pat phrases,, etc. we provide you with a systemic approach that you get to build into your personal approach to selling!! You've got to gather information from potential customers before deciding.

    4. Are they a *buyer* or a *shopper*? Now it's easy enough to change a shopper to a buyer, and just as easy to change a buyer to a shopper, if you're not paying close attention, but you'll have to know which strategy they are operating in, regardless of what they may actually tell you. Many of the same subroutines may run, but not in the same sequence. They may well have the same questions, the same sorts, but in a different sequence when they are deciding vs. shopping, and vise versa.

    And there are others, but this will give you a good start!

When you can detect these, it puts *You* into a position deciding whether or not *You* want them as a customer! And that then changes your selling strategy, doesn't it!


©2018 John La Valle

Coming Up:

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - May 14th – 20th, 2018, London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP-May 12th – 20th , 2018-London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ - May 21-24, 2018 in London, UK - Alessio Roberti, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Charisma Enhancement® (Trainer Training)- July 17-22, 2018 - Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

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Check This Out:

The Best You

Filled with advice on getting things done, confidence, self esteem, motivation, focus, feeling and looking great and doing whatever it takes to help you improve your life, The Best You is an antidote to bad news and feeling stuck in life.

What's more, this is far more than a magazine. Contains video interviews with celebrities and big names, who share their advice, their experience and their observations on life. Just click through to watch the interviews - which gave yet more advice and tips.

In all, The Best You is a smart, multimedia experience that will inspire, inform and entertain all at once - and guide you to become

The Best You

NLP Coaching For Resilience

by Kay Cooke

NLP Coaching for Resilience. . . with Mia who has been experiencing a situation with a girl we will call ‘B’ who clearly doesn’t like Mia.
B has been spreading unkind and untrue rumours amongst Mia’s friends, saying that Mia has been bitching about each of them behind their backs. B is trying to divide the friendship group and Mia feels her only option is to convince each friend that the rumours are not true. She is exhausted and worried that she will lose her friends.
The situation has brought back memories of a bullying experience we had worked through 12 months earlier (different environment, different girl). She is feeling stuck and un-resourceful.

We initially chatted about the difference between ‘bully’ and ‘bitch’ to loosen Mia’s thinking, to clarify differences, and have her dissociate from the previous bullying experience.

I asked her what she perceived the ‘problem’ to be.
A: “B doesn’t like me”

Q: “OK and what’s the worst thing about that for you?”
A: “No-one will talk to me because B spreads rumours that I’ve been saying things about my friends, when I haven’t.”

Q: “How have you been coping with this so far?”
A: “I have to prove to my friends that what B says isn’t true.”

From this brief exchange, I’m now focusing in on three aspects of the Mia’s perception of the problem:
Distortion (complex equivalence): B doesn’t like me = no one will like me.
Generalisation: ‘no one’ will talk to me.
Strategy: disproving rumours.

We began by challenging the generalisation: no one will talk to me

Q: What’s the probability that this will actually happen – that your friends will actually stop speaking to you because of B’s influence?
A: 20% chance that they will stop speaking to me.

Q: Which leaves an 80% chance that this won’t happen?
A: Yes.
Note the reframe from 100% to 20%

Q: How many friends in your friendship group?
A: About 20

Q: And of the 20 friends, how many might actually stop talking to you?
A: About 5

Q: And how many would never stop talking to you?
A: About 5
Note the affirmation of friendship

Q: How long do you think it would take for you to disprove the rumours?
A: About 1 week.
We drew a pie chart to illustrate the results so far:

Q: There is a 20% chance that 25% of your friends will stop talking to you, unless you spend one week disproving the rumours spread by B?
A: I suppose so.
Note the loosening belief

Q: So you have 20 friends – 5 of whom you really trust, 5 who you don’t trust and 10 who you moderately trust?
A: I guess so.
Note the different perspective

Having chunked down into some detail to dispel the overwhelming notion that she would have ‘no one speak to her’, we then began looking at the distortion of meaning.
In order to identify the mechanics of her complex equivalence I asked Mia to finish the following sentences:

I’m afraid no one will talk to me because …
A: “I don’t know whether my friends believe what she says about me or not.”

This is a problem because …
A: “I don’t want my friends thinking those things are actually true.

I shared some ‘stories’ with Mia, about when my kids were little and having done something naughty, they would often give the deed away by telling me what they ‘hadn’t done’ and therefore drawing my attention towards the very thing itself.

I asked her to explore the difference between ‘defending’ herself (which presupposes there is ‘something ‘ to defend) and ‘gathering more information’ through genuine enquiry by asking questions like “really – you think I said that????” “When exactly?” “Where specifically?”

We also explored the Shakespeare quote ‘the lady doth protest too much’.

I invited her to contemplate the words ‘I have nothing to prove’.

I drew 2 figures on the white board.
A: Mia
B: B

B’s strategy was ‘to try to influence the friendship group (against Mia)
A’s strategy was ‘to try to influence the friendship group (to disprove B)
Both strategies were ‘fight’ strategies – was there another way?

NLP Milton Model Sub modality/parts/squash:
I had Mia place ‘I have to prove (myself right/the girl wrong)’ in one hand and in the other hand place ‘I have nothing to prove’. We explored the sub modalities of each.
I then asked her to raise up her right hand which held the part ‘I have nothing to prove’ and squash it into the left hand which was holding the part “I have to prove (right/wrong)’.
At the same time I reminded her of her personal power pack within (using previously set anchors) and had her expanding sense of peace and power generalise through and travel through her arms into the closed palms.

She revealed a new set of sub modalities balanced in both hands.
After a break state, I asked her if she had any questions.

“What would you do in my situation?” she asked.
I offered a wide range of strategies that I have evolved based on my own similar experiences in many differing environments. Some of my strategies might seem abhorrent to Mia; others may feel useful for her to model. The emphasis being that there is no ‘one way’ to be resilient and that situations like this one occur in all walks of life.

We referred to neuroscience and simple mechanisms of stress that involve fight/flight/freeze OR she could FLOW in resilience.

We practised again the ‘one point’ exercise to centre, balance and feel strong from the inside out.
Finally, Mia wrote out some phrases to practise – creating them from a new place of ‘I have nothing to prove’ and ‘I am resilient’.

Mia immersed herself in a big mind stretch to facilitate stronger feelings of self confidence, more choice of behavioural strategies, new attitude of grace and authenticity, and a choice not to engage with, or mirror, B’s battle strategy.

Mia is 13 years old.

Playground based thoughts, feelings and behaviours are really not so different to those found in the workplace. Age may make problems more complex, less honest, more accomplished. The processes rarely change.

©2016-2018 Kay Cooke

Kay Cooke is a Licensed Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming® based in the north of England. She works internationally to facilitate learning, develop creativity, and teach flexible thinking, adaptability and resilience in education, business and health.
Kay is also a Personal & Professional Development Consultant, Coach, Trainer & Facilitator Partner - The Managing Excellence Group

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Answering the Call

by John G. Johnson

Stephen rightfully took advantage on his master’s Degree in Civil-Engineering to build an outstanding career. He also had an insatiable appetite for the arts, mostly live-events and movies, which he often referenced in an analogous manner to get his point across whenever we spoke, making him an interesting person to me. In one of our conversations he said, “I want to be a writer. But I always get panic attacks whenever I start a lengthy writing assignment.” What Stephen said seemed odd; but, I thought about it and realized it wasn’t. Because nothing is what it seems when trekking through the land of one’s subjective experience; yet, everything works the way it’s supposed to. Yes, a contradiction. Such is life, right?

Stephen’s statement had a generalization begging to be tested. One way I did that was to ask him how did he ever get through college, because it’s a given that students will have lengthy assignments to complete. “Ok. Let me back up and clarify what I mean,” Steven responded. It turned out that he could handle academic writing and career-related writing assignments. The problem resided in his attempts at personal essays, or any forms of extensive creative writing. That’s an entirely different problem, one that’s specific, and brings the issue into focus. Having clarity about a situation is like standing right in its center. It’s a useful starting point of one’s journey, and Stephen was on his way.

Stephen searched the web for a solution to his panic attacks, attended numerous writing lectures and workshops, spoke with creative-writing professors and friends. But all attempts failed… (Or so he thought). The more activities Stephen partook in and believed he “failed,” the more he constructed disempowering beliefs about his ability to creatively write.

But something else Stephen said intrigued me: “…People’s responses were condescending whenever I described my panic attack to them…”

I couldn’t help but ask... “Ok. Describe your panic attack to me,”

Using gestures and vivid submodality language, Stephen did; his description and expressions were rich, nuanced, teetering on the point of being hypnotic. “No wonder you want to be a writer,” I teased. To the untrained ear and eye, Stephen’s description of his panic attack “can” sound and look, let’s just say, ‘weird.’ But it wasn’t.

I concluded that Stephen needed several things. The first was education. He had to learn that how each of us inputs the world through the five senses and re-expresses it – using sensory rich submodality language - is subjectively unique and valid, and how he described his experience to others was perfectly fine. We also worked on tuning up his eyes and ears. This allowed Stephen to appreciate the submodality-rich world of others, which he found enlightening.

Moving backwards on Stephen’s timeline, to the primary point he first experienced what he called “a panic attack,” then reframing it, as well the other successive moments (as we returned to back the present), was another activity we did. To construct the reframes I held two things in mind: The NLP tenet, “failure vs. feedback,” and Stephen’s love of the arts, specifically live events and movies. This combination, along with a little submodality education impacted him – profoundly.

“…Your panic attacks are just a “Call & Response”, a “Call” to discover the better nature of yourself. … Now you are aware of the richness of subjective experience, yours, and the power of its expression. Improv actors thrive on first accepting the “Call” of the moment and then “Responding” … that particular manner, and in the moment, giving birth to a dynamic routine…, You know this …of characters from the many movies and plays you’ve seen ignoring the “Call”… only to then answer it with a “Response”, which, in truth, is a journey, really. One that uncovers the power that already resides within…this discovery the ancient Greek writers called anagnorisis, a deep discovery of knowledge … knowledge of the self….a revelation that can only be borne from the journey you undertook in search of… from hearing the “Call”. And I wonder what it is that you have already learned from that journey, looking at things from this newfound vantage point, that you can now rightly use to creatively write…in your way?…”

The overall arching take away from working with Stephen also reminded me of another NLP tenet, which is that “we all have the resources to affect change.” And it’s how we interpret, reframe and organize them (resources) to push us in the direct we want to go. The mode we use to express ourselves, the way we choose to live our lives is our “right.”

©2016 John G. Johnson

John Johnson is a Licensed Trainer of NLP™ who currently does one on one coaching and also works with Martial Arts schools for their business success!
Check out his site NLP Success by Design today!

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SO WHAT'S Coming Up?

Coming Up:

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - May 14th – 20th, 2018, London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP-May 12th – 20th , 2018-London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ - May 21-24, 2018 in London, UK - Alessio Roberti, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Charisma Enhancement® (Trainer Training)- July 17-22, 2018 - Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Check Out The Others with Richard Bandler Here

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