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|2. NLP & BELIEF Vs. DIAGNOSIS - Pam Castillo|
|3. PERCY MANAGES METAPHOR - Kay Cooke|
|4. WHERE CAN I FIND WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING?|
|5. SO, WHAT'S COMING UP?|
John La Valle
ONE OF OUR READERS once had emailed me asking me about detecting, identifying, & working with "submodalities" and whether you have to go meta, or to another perceptual position to do this. While I could easily have answered him, I thought it a good topic for this month. That, and adding its use in sales & marketing, would give us lots of things to cover.
FOR THOSE READERS who may be unfamiliar with "submodalities", here's a brief explanation:
OUR BRAINS INPUT, process and output based on our five senses, or modalities: see, hear, feel (both emotional and visceral), smell and taste. Each of the modalities has other parts, hence "sub". For example, visual includes: is it in color or black & white?; is it a movie or a still shot?, etc. Auditory includes: the volume; tone, pitch, etc.
NOW, FOR THOSE OF OUR READERS who are wondering about what *meta* (going to another perceptual position), is, think about it this way: One major position is known as associated, that is *in the experience*, while the other is known as dissociated, or being able to see/hear yourself from the outside looking in, so to speak. And then there are arguably some other positions, known as third, etc., which are not that important for us here because they, again, are sub-positions of the ones just mentioned.
ONE OF THE MORE INTERESTING points here, although not overtly obvious is the distinction between *experiencing* and *intellectualizing*. I have looked at 2 sources for the following definitions at http://www.dictionary.com and in Webster's New World Dictionary:
1. To furnish a rational structure or meaning for.
2. To avoid psychological insight into (an emotional problem) by performing an intellectual analysis.
New World Dictionary):
New World Dictionary):
SO, TO ANSWER THE QUESTION ABOVE, in many cases, it's *sometimes* necessary to go to a meta-position to detect, identify and work with submodalities, but this is highly dependent on your skill level at detecting, identifying and working with submodalities. It is not always necessary to go to another position to do any of the three, but that's not what's best for this discussion here because there's more to it that's more useful for our application.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT HERE IS how you can use these perceptual positions (states) in your sales and marketing. I've seen so many articles about how important the words are, but most of these articles only scratch the surface, so to speak. When you are selling and/marketing your products and/or services, one of the most important things is to have your customer, or potential customer, *feel* especially good (that's the emotional part) about you and/or your product.
SINCE IN MOST CASES (not all), the most powerful feelings occur in the *associated* state, then it is important and more useful to give them an experience, rather than to have them *think about* an experience. When you have your customers *think about* an experience, they will mostly be dissociated, which is not where you want them while *experiencing* you and/or what you are selling or marketing.
NOW, IF YOU GO ON AND ON, and *explain* the experience to them, much like I'm doing here, they will not necessarily have the feelings you want them to have. It's much akin to the difference between thinking about racing downhill at 80 miles per hour and racing downhill at 80 miles per hour. And the only difference, really, is the one of *perspective* -- the one you provide.
ANOTHER DISTINCTION TO MAKE IS the one about which referential index to use -- I or you. Well, while this is also important, remember that "all communication is hypnosis" and the real issue is whether or not your readers will take that ride with you, even if it's yours. Can you get them excited enough using some I's and me's and some you's? That's what's going to make the difference. Using too many I's and we's will seem self serving, and too many you's may violate their rules against mind reading or patronizing.
WHEN I FIRST DECIDED TO PUBLISH this newsletter it was because I had so many people emailing me with the same types of questions and I found myself writing back and giving the same types of responses. And so I thought, "Hey, why not publish a newsletter? That way I can answer questions out there, and even get information out to many of the people who may not ask the questions, even though they have them. That would serve a few other purposes, then, wouldn't it?"
MY FIRST NEWSLETTER WAS, WELL intimidating to start with. Would they like it? Would they criticize it? Would they read it? How would I know if they like it? What if I say the wrong thing? And so many other ridiculous questions that just kept popping up. But then I thought, "Hey, what's the difference?" I mean, have you read some of the other stuff that's out there? Really! What's the worst that could happen? That someone emails me and says it sucks? Well, that has certainly happened. But the two or three we've gotten over the years are minuscule compared to the so many great complements we've gotten, and the thanks, and so on and so on. And then I remembered my own criteria for knowing if we are doing well, or not: "Are they telling others?" Are subscriptions increasing, and what's the unsubscribe rate compared to the subscribe rate.
WE HAVE DONE EXTREMELY WELL because we've learned to listen through the years and because we have kept our promise and our schedule. It's really quite simple to do a monthly newsletter: once a month, so that you never run out of material, just often enough to maintain that presence and keep the ideas flowing amongst others. We get ideas from the people who send us questions, from our daily business activities, and from being able to laugh at the news out there. That's right, the news, high comedy!
WELL I'M HERE TO TELL YOU, our subscription rate has been steady each and every week! We must be doing something right! Now every now and then, we make a mistake, but you know what? We chalk that up to experience! And we've had lots of those experiences! But it's no different than taking a chance: a trance for success!
AND WE WANT TO SHARE THAT CHANCE FOR SUCCESS with YOU! From time to time, we get adventurers who submit an article for us to include in our monthly letter. Some we publish, some we don't. It really depends on how relevant it is and how much of an impact we think it could make on the lives of others! But each and every one of them has enjoyed the fact that others read their articles, and respond back to them! Every one of them has gotten responses and recognition and a boost where they need it most: in their own feel good spot!
THERE IS NOTHING like just putting yourself out there, taking that risk, wondering and worrying, then discovering that there are so many people out there with so many perspectives, that opportunities abound and they're FREE!! Are you ready to share in the success just waiting for YOU?
AHEAD OF YOURSELF
. . . WHAT'S YOUR
stop here and
relive your experience
of reading the
Many of you will
it, some of
WHICH DO YOU PREFER and WHEN and for which reasons?
©2018 John La Valle, all rights reserved in all media
Check This Out:
Filled with advice on getting things done, confidence, self esteem, motivation, focus, feeling and looking great and doing whatever it takes to help you improve your life, The Best You is an antidote to bad news and feeling stuck in life.
What's more, this is far more than a magazine. Contains video interviews with celebrities and big names, who share their advice, their experience and their observations on life. Just click through to watch the interviews - which gave yet more advice and tips.
In all, The Best You is a smart, multimedia experience that will inspire, inform and entertain all at once - and guide you to become
by Pam Castillo
Patricia: "So I am officially diagnosed with selective eating disorder, so to all my family members and friends who always made me feel bad for not eating certain foods there's a reason! its a real disorder!"
Pam Castillo: "A diagnosis is only useful if it comes with a remedy and a permanent fix, and that was taught to me by my teacher Dr. Richard Bandler, father and co-founder of NLP"
Sam: "I wouldn't say that, Pam. When my son was diagnosed, there was no remedy or permanent fix but it helped us to understand why he reacted and acted in the ways he did, it explained his (and my) picky eating, it helped us to plan things around his condition and it also helped us to get specific schooling that he needed. A diagnosis is, in my experience at least, useful at any rate, not just with a remedy or permanent fix."
I used to think like Sam, too. In fact, many years ago I too, was happy and even relieved to be given a diagnosis of some symptoms that had eroded my health and had been seriously debilitating for 14 years (nothing related to eating). That is UNTIL, I discovered the real power in the human mind combined with the fact that modern western medicine seemed to have very few real and permanent solutions for so, so many of the things people suffer with.
I began a quest to leave no stone unturned to change my physical health and to be done with my symptoms turned "disease" by a "diagnosis". I began to study beliefs and how to change them. I began to realize I did not have to believe what the doctors said was "factually predicted outcomes" for me based on medical tests and current medical knowledge. I could, in fact, be skeptical and remain curious. Those 2 things allowed me to be hopeful once again. "Diagnosis without remedy = hopeless acceptance" vs. "Skeptical and curious = hopeful". Hope makes many people feel better moment to moment.
I began to see how very limited modern western medicine can be and how a more holistic approach (which is often unproven by current scientific means and standards) was getting results and remedies for some. And if some were getting results, I wanted them, too, and then I was even more curious if I could. While I was a science nerd and scoffed at anything woo-woo, I decided to suspend that belief because my life with my disease was unacceptable and I refused to give up on the possibility of change. I studied my "disease" from different world views and from different modalities and began to learn to use and to control my mental and unconscious directives to change my "condition". I learned NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and decided to use it to change my health. Sometimes modern western medicine (and I am very much in favor of some of the benefits and still use that system when necessary) simply has it wrong and does NOT allow for the "leave no stone unturned" approach. Why? that's a whole different discussion, and not very important to changing things. I began to study the placebo and nocebo affects and I realized slowly that belief is a tremendously important aspect of wellness and change.
Unfortunately, very few people learn HOW to change beliefs and calibrate when there's a difference. Sometimes the scientific model, flawed and limited itself, can not prove the source of the difference because we simply haven't invented the tests and machines to do so yet. But ask anyone who has changed or gotten rid of their symptoms and they don't care about scientific proof if they got results. The occurrences of spontaneous remission and "cures" often are as high as any current medical protocol and for ME, all that was worth testing out on myself. "HOW" questions are much more productive than "why" questions. So I asked myself, "HOW is it that some people got better from what I had without medical intervention?" For others, you might ask: HOW is it that some people get rid of phobias without any medical or psychological intervention? What would need to happen inside my body to become fully well again? Once I learn how to connect to the Unconscious process with the very specific language that COULD make the difference I realized instantly, like a lightbulb going on, that much more was possible than the current medical model was willing to explore for me.
I took matters into my own hands and that was 15 years ago now. It took me literally 3 times of using on myself what I had learned in NLP training to be completely free of all the symptoms I had. So did I really have that "disease" I was diagnosed with? I don't know. I just know I have never had any of the symptoms again and I have helped others to get rid of theirs as well. Diagnosis? Well, it did give me an emotional validation, though as I think back, I already intrinsically knew something was wrong and not working correctly and I didn't need the docs to say so, it's something we all know. Is the name important?
Well, I contend the name and label might very well keep people from becoming symptom free and just may limit the possibility of wholeness that could be available. Many smart folks used to believe the world was flat too. Perhaps it's good not to believe in diagnosis without remedy and to believe in different outcomes that you just hadn't discovered, yet.
What more could you do? Be? Have? if you were free of that disease. Leave no stone unturned and give it a go. What if you could get better and the only thing standing in the way was the incorrect, hopeless diagnosis that someone said you couldn't. In the past, there was compelling evidence for many smart folks to believe the world was flat too. Am I saying a belief alone will change things? I'm saying maybe things are not what they seem and no one knows it just yet. Go ahead and prove them wrong if you can by suspending the belief in diagnosis without remedy. What have you got to loose? This mom left no stone unturned-
©2018 Pam Castillo
by Kay Cooke
Percy explained that he had been getting angry with people at work.
As manager of a team, he needed his people to follow instruction and deliver results. The trigger to his getting angry was people not doing what he had asked of them which led to increasing frustration, which then led to anger. Underpinning his anger was something of high value to him feeling understood.
We discovered this through a coaching exercise to elicit his core values which are very personal feelings, so important to us deep down, they drive our behaviours. We all hold different core values (although there are many similar ones) and of course our priorities continually shift and change depending on contexts.
Percys list of core values included:
These are important drivers of personal motivation.
Unfortunately, when Percy didnt get the results from his staff that he wanted/needed/anticipated, it agitated something of great importance to him i.e. feeling understood. And when he didnt feel understood, he subconsciously felt like something important had been taken away from him, triggering a stress response.
Until our session, Percys strategy for dealing with feelings of frustration (which turned to anger), had been to judge/blame the incompetence of others. We discussed the limitations of that strategy as an inefficient management tool and went on to develop a new strategy for getting staff to understand him better and therefore help them deliver the results he asked for.
We worked through a recent example of asking a member of staff to tidy up the staff room. He had said please can you tidy up the staff room? the staff member had said yes. Percy returned the next day to a room that to him, looked no different. He was furious.
AIM THEIR BRAINS TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT BY USING BRAIN FRIENDLY LANGUAGE
TELL THEIR BRAIN WHAT YOU WANT e.g. I want you to tidy up the staff room. Avoid the closed question can you and rather than say please, say thank you (this tells their brain its a non negotiable task).
ASK YOURSELF IF WHAT YOU ARE ASKING THEM TO DO IS ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR CONTROL and when the answer is no (since it involves someone else) switch into negotiation and motivation skills e.g. remember that people are motivated by things of value and so If you want to motivate them - attach the task (tidy the room) to something of value to them e.g. money (our bonus might depend on impressing the auditor who visits tomorrow and a tidy staff room will help impress).
DO THEY HAVE THE RESOURCES THEY NEED to complete the task? Do they know where to find them? Remember to include the resource of time and get agreement on the timeframe e.g. can we agree that you have this done by 2pm?
CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SUCCESSFUL OUTCOME? Yes? Now you have to help them to imagine and understand the pictures and sounds inside your imagination! Get specific help them to see/hear/feel/smell/taste the outcome you desire clarify their understanding. Or even provide a list of actions you are thinking about. Avoid ambiguity.
ECOLOGY could you, they or anyone else be harmed by the goal? If the answer is no then youre all good to go!
Metaphor for Percy - Life is like a game of chess!
Managing this metaphor enabled Percy to transform old frustrations into new opportunities to be a more influential manager, thus getting and giving more of the thing he valued - understanding.
NB Percys Metaphor is based on one of essential epistemological presuppositions of NLP The Law of Requisite Variety which states that the part of the system (systems theory) with the most flexibility will be the catalytic element within the system like the queen in a game of chess.
©2018 Kay Cooke
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