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John's HOT NLP Tips January 2019 Issue
More than 20 Years on the Internet Without a Single Miss!

When traveling the globe, I personally use this program
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1. NEW YEAR - NOW WHAT? - John La Valle

New Year - Now What?

John La Valle

Each year on this day I write an article about resolutions, resolve, etc. And it seems to me to be a much simpler thing to move on.

Rather than me going on and on about how to take the goals you want to accomplish, I'm going to take this time to say the following:

Ditch the resolutions, as well intentioned as they may be. You've already decided what you want to do, so get off your butt, and DO IT!. Making resolutions is nice, but there are more meaningful things you could be doing instead. Most people make "resolutions" and a minority of them complete them!

Wanting is not enough . . . doing is even better . . . and rather than worry about making that big step, take the steps that are most comfortable to you, it's not only easier, but better for YOU! Easy, better, more comfortable . . . these are all good brain chemical producing states . . . worrying is not!

Live your life because it's YOURS! DO THINGS! Going over the top in a do-or-die fashion, is not always the best, either, but doing things is! Find that balance between trying and trying too hard. Both ends of that spectrum are not the best place, but there is a middle ground that will serve you well!

And be consistent! It adds balance . . . Enjoy Your Life, it's the one you have!

©2019 La Valle, all rights reserved in all media.

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Do You Know The Meta Model?

by Kay Cooke

Meta Model heritage is well documented; Richard Bandler and John Grinder noted which language patterns locked people into problem thinking and limited their outcomes. They systematized their research and its findings into what may at first, appear complicated and intricate yet turns out to be based on common sense and is remarkably conceptual, which you discover for yourselves very soon.

One of the things you will quickly realise when you first begin to learn the Meta Model is that it may not be so important for you to remember the names of various categories and sub-categories, instead, pay more attention to exploring the dynamic relationships between the classifications.

So as we begin to navigate the Meta Model, I'm sure you'll quickly develop an instinct towards the three biggest chunks of linguistic deletions, distortions and generalisations, also (sometimes) referred to as linguistic violations.

My pre-frame for learning and using this model is always - remember your own well-formed outcome at all times and respect the integrity of the other person, unconditionally.
I'm not totally convinced that everyone learns this model for ethical use and I've seen and heard aspects of it used as a weapon of mass disruption. However you'll soon spot an inexperienced NLPer by the way they 'challenge' everyone's semantic ill-formedness, just because they can. Fortunately, you know that you can't become a Meta Monster (seeking gain from challenging others) when you remember our ethical frame question - 'is this about your gain, or theirs?'

In fact, we all sustain everyday conversations while making 'linguistic violations' and it's comforting to know that we can mostly amble along, generally communicating well enough because good communication is of course, a lot to do with how our words (with all the linguistic errors) match our music (tonality, breathing, body language etc.) and the myriad of unspoken messages that inform us. We NLPers often use the term 'incongruence' to describe that process where words and behavior don't match and we can utilise the Meta Model to facilitate appropriate 'repairs'.

Of course it may be interesting to listen out for deletions, distortions or generalisations, just to notice them, and perhaps ask yourself if a 'Meta challenge' here or there would help the other person to be clearer in their thinking, and essentially, 'how will you to do this while retaining their integrity and staying in rapport?'Of course the Meta Model is not used in isolation; it simply strengthens your communication skills.

Perhaps you can imagine meeting up with an old friend who's been feeling a bit depressed recently and she tells you "everybody hates me". Until now, you might have responded according to what you believe to be true about her situation, for example you might reply "oh you poor thing" or you could argue/disagree with her "no, that's not true". But the first response (poor thing) may simply validate the distortion she's been feeding herself, because you're sort of agreeing with her aren't you? And by disagreeing with her (the second example of a response) you are likely to encourage her to search deeper for further examples that justify her position. Thus holding her stuck…

One way of helping your friend in this situation is to challenge the generalisation 'everybody hates me', because, after all, this simply cannot be true! One response you might offer her is "everybody...really, is that true?" because although she may FEEL that's true, it isn't. So help her to help herself by providing her with the scope to disagree with her own opinion stated as fact. SHE loosens up her own thinking because you've asked an elegant question.

You could also (or instead) offer her a counter example like "well I certainly don't hate you, and I know my mother doesn't hate you, so who specifically are you thinking about when you say that?" This way, she gets to expose real facts and reveal the 'someone/some people' more specifically. The great thing about deflating a generalisation, is the problem doesn't feel so overwhelming when we get down towards specifics. Let's be honest, we'd all feel rotten if we felt everyone didn't like us!

Opening dialogues like this can stretch boundaries of a person's thinking. You could think of using the Meta Model process like unearthing an entrenched, deeply rooted garden weed. Maybe all you need to do is take hold of the leaves and stems and give a gentle tug to free it. Or perhaps a sharp spade would be fast and effective, though beware of leaving debris that could re-seed.

My advice is always to begin loosening the surrounding soil by noticing 'linguistic violations' (I call them red flags) in the spoken and written language- what's being deleted, distorted or generalised in a way that limits a person's thinking and choices.

I read somewhere a brilliant quote that went something like this "I can't wait for you to finish speaking because I want to talk, and when I'm talking it's way more interesting because I feature largely! "It seems that we like stories that feature us and why not? Yet it's a useful reminder that stories are exactly that - stories - full of deletions, distortions and generalisations. So the question to ask is 'does this story limit the person's outcome or offer the person useful choice?'

Stories belong to the unconscious mind, which I have heard referred to as being like the hard drive of a computer. Do you speak the computer code of this analogy? You will when you learn Meta Model, because its inverse use is the language of the unconscious mind the Milton Model.

I've also heard people say the conscious mind is analogous to a computer programmer, whose quality of input can vary significantly according to capability, belief, mood and other variables.

Do you know self-hypnosis? Where you tell yourself something in such a convincing way like 'everybody stares at me' and you begin to filter your sensory input to seek the proof that you are right in this belief (our brains do like to prove ourselves right). It's like me asking you to pay attention to everything in the room that is wooden - go on, make a mental list inside your head of these things because I'm going to test you. Now with eyes closed, recall everything in the room made out of plastic ...

What you'll discover is that when given clear instruction, your brain automatically discards what it perceives as irrelevant sensory information, zooming in on the task in hand.
Precise instruction = precise results and NLP is about PRECISION.

So suddenly I only notice people staring at me AND my behaviour changes because I start looking at people's eyes to see if they're looking at me (that alone generates reciprocal eye contact) and hey presto - everyone really is staring at me!

So giving a precise order to your brain, like 'everybody stares at me' processes literally because unlike the 'look for wooden things' a notion of being stared at is likely to substantiate a belief or value that engages personal MEANING & EMOTION which in turn triggers state change and new behaviours. It makes sense therefore, to concentrate on adjusting the quality of the initial input - the language of the programmer.

Think about it.
The person saying "everybody hates me" is not only attempting to hook you into believing her tales of woe, she's also hypnotising herself! If you really want to free her from the shackles of that unhelpful and limiting belief, learn the Meta Model.

You will remember there are three main categories; deletions, distortions and generalisations:
" Missing information - deletions - "I did it all"
Notice that something is missing and avoid filling in the gaps by referencing your map of the world, instead, seek to recover missing information. For example you might ask:
All of what?
What exactly did you do?
How do you measure 'all'?'

" Limiting beliefs - distortions - "I know I'm in the wrong when he looks at me like that'"
Avoid buying into distortions! Instead, separate feelings from facts. Challenges might include asking:
Have you ever felt in the wrong when he was looking at you with a different expression? What will happen if you continue to think that way?
What else could that look mean?

" Stating a belief as a universal fact - generalisations - "No-one likes me"
There may be a thread of fact in here, but notice this generalisation and ask for specifics like:
Not anyone in the whole wide world?
Has there ever been a time when you didn't think that?
What, all of you - isn't there a little part of you that someone somewhere does like - your hair, for example?

And a thousand questions can spring into your mind as you enquire about what's being deleted, distorted or generalised.
Before using the Meta Model ask yourself:

" How best can I first apply this model to myself?
" In which direction will this interaction take our overall communication?
" Which of my own Meta Programmes e.g. prove myself right, could become engaged?
" How compassionately can I loosen up another person's thinking?

Meta Model is a process tool for probing unconscious resources. Delving with elegance and precision enables the user to swiftly reveal meanings that have previously eluded the conscious thinking mind.

So go ahead, take control of your own thinking and help others to do the same for themselves in a way that liberates new behavioural choices alongside masses of great feelings.
Someone once asked the question 'who's driving your bus?' When the answer is YOU, then you can look forward to learning even more NLP because you want to become an expert driver, don't you?

©2019 Kay Cooke

Kay Cooke is a Licensed Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming® based in the north of England. She works internationally to facilitate learning, develop creativity, and teach flexible thinking, adaptability and resilience in education, business and health.

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NLPers, Parents, teachers, social workers, community leaders, therapists, working with the next generation - contact Kay and ask for details for the next one or check out:

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Check This Out:

The Best You

Filled with advice on getting things done, confidence, self esteem, motivation, focus, feeling and looking great and doing whatever it takes to help you improve your life, The Best You is an antidote to bad news and feeling stuck in life.

What's more, this is far more than a magazine. Contains video interviews with celebrities and big names, who share their advice, their experience and their observations on life. Just click through to watch the interviews - which gave yet more advice and tips.

In all, The Best You is a smart, multimedia experience that will inspire, inform and entertain all at once - and guide you to become

The Best You

Making Things Happen

By John G. Johnson

Ask anyone what it is they want, need or would like-to-have in a given context, and their answer will prove this point: We are a goal-oriented, desire-based species. It's just in our nature. And it helps us to survive. But yearning for something and then doing what's necessary in order to seize it are two different conversations. Most of us either know people with grand ambitions, who do nothing to convert them into reality, or are guilty of this contradiction somewhere in our lives. We can choose to focus on the varied reasons why this is so; or we can pay attention to what is required to move in the direction of our choice, with momentum, so as to take command our chosen desire(s).

Researchers recently published their findings in the British Journal of Psychology, which studied three groups of people, each group having the same wish, that of sticking to an exercise routine. Members in Group A were asked to keep a record of when they exercised during the time period specified by the researchers. Group B members were asked to do the same as Group A; however, Group B members were given the supplementary task of reading about the benefits of regular exercise.

Members in Group C had the same tasks to perform as the previous groups. But there was a difference… Each participant within Group C had this additional assignment to do: Construct a plan and state their intent for WHEN, WHERE and TIME of DAY they would engage in exercise over the specified time period.

The results of the study are below:

" Group A: 38% of members exercised during the specified time period.

" Group B: 35% of members exercised during the specified time period.

" Group C: 91% of members exercised during the specified time period.

It's healthy to have aspirations. But unless steps are taken to get things going, aspirations stay lodged in the mind as just that …eventually fading into the past, and finding a resting place in the cemetery of unfulfilled wishes and dreams. It's no surprise that Group C's success rate is remarkable. Breaking down lofty ambitions into actionable sensory chunks and creating a strategic road map are vital. They help to focus the mind, charge it with intent so the ambitions individual unapologetically moves in their preferred direction, with purpose.

Also, asking high-quality questions help to program the mind, too. They cause the answers to project onto the mind and create virtual-like rehearsal scenario space, showing that the desired state is possible and what it would take to make things happen.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming offers various types of well-designed tools and sets of calibrated questions that can assist individuals with converting ambitions into reality.

Here are just a few:...
What will happen when you reach this goal?
What will happen if you don't reach this goal?
What won't happen when you reach the goal?
What won't happen if you don't reach the goal?

These questions are based in mathematics, biology, psychology and linguistics, and may "seem" - simple - to the untrained. But they are designed not only to challenge thoughts, and rattle self-imposed boundaries, but to stretch them, pushing and pulling you into alternate ways of experiencing.

Try these questions on yourself. First, call to consciousness a goal you have. Whether you ask these questions internally or out loud, it's important to be mindful of the tones you use. The better the tonal quality the richer the response. Pay attention to the experience(s) you sense.

© John G. Johnson 2019 - All rights reserved!

John Johnson is a Licensed Trainer of NLP™ who currently does one on one coaching and also works with Martial Arts schools for their business success! He also assists us in Orlando sometimes.
Check out his site NLP Success by Design today! He can assist and teach you in the most incredible ways!

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The next program for Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ announced!

Congratulations to our most recent 2018 class in London and the full list is at

Persuasion Engineering®
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THE FINEST NLP INSTITUTES AROUND THE WORLD: check them out for your NLP programs!

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Magic in Practice: Introducing Medical NLP
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Also: Happiness Magazine

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SO WHAT'S Coming Up?

Coming Up:

FUTURE ISSUES will include more favorite topics, more tips for MORE EXQUISITE CUSTOMER SERVICE, STRATEGIES, MORE LANGUAGE USAGE, and of course, other areas of interest.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR SUCCESS STORIES OR, if you have a HOT TIP, or some VALUABLE RESOURCE you'd like to share (another word for promote), e-mail me and let me know. We prefer for it to be NLP related,
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JUST E-MAIL YOUR IDEAS, tips, resources to:
Newsletter Tips and I'll be sure to look it over. IT COULD BE YOU!! I may, or may not use it, of course, but thought I'd let others contribute and have a chance at success, as well. If you decide to send something, please make it fun to read and to the point.

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Nested Loops DVD - Richard Bandler
It's About Time - Richard Bandler Time Distortion Demo - Orlando Training.

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Determined Resolved - Dr. Richard Bandler - CD
* Soothing Anxiety - Dr. Richard Bandler - CD
The Art of Amnesia and Negation - Dr. Richard Bandler - CD

Plus These Most Favorites:

Meditation, Magick & Change™ - Richard Bandler - John La Valle - 2 CD set
"The Personal Enhancement Series" (6 CD's)
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©2018 La Valle, all rights reserved in all media

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