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John's HOT NLP Tips May 2018 Issue
Over 19 Years on the Internet Without a Single Miss!

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What Language Motivates you?

John La Valle

One of the elements of language we teach in Persuasion Engineering® is Modal Operators, another category in the Meta/Milton Model of language. I also call these "Motivator Words" to keep it simple and easy to remember. These are the utterances we use that either motivate or demotivate ourselves and/or others. You would recognize these such as: wish, like, want, need, must, have to, should, will, going to, can't, should, shouldn't, could, can, won't, etc. While used in a sentence defines the context, more importantly the modal operator identifies the edge of the direction that can change.

I had the wonderful opportunity to address a group of union shop stewards once right here in NJ. Every now and then as a speaker, I get calls for a motivational talk, which I enjoy doing, especially with the people who I know do most of the work! And to be able to shed some new light for them on how much more easily they can do their jobs brings me superb pleasure. And so, I decided to *teach* them something about their everyday usage of language, sequencing of words, and specifically the use of Modal Operators.

I continue to be fascinated at how easily each and every one of us takes our language, no matter which country we live in, for granted. That's to say, generally we don't pay much particular attention to what we say, how we say it, or how much of it we say. Of course we have momentary glimpses of the process, but by then it's usually too late, or we've already said it. Now, that's not necessarily a bad or wrong thing, because as we notice it, we have the opportunity to correct it for ourselves.

Back to those Modal Operators: the reason I say it's the edge of the direction, as well as the propulsion, is because of how each of the Modal Operators is connected kinesthetically, emotionally. Some are more emotionally charged than others, obviously, and some propel in a forward direction and some in a backward direction, and some may even move us laterally, sideways, that is.

Now add to this that, as used, Modal Operators are very probably different when used internally than externally. You may very well motivate yourself by telling yourself, "I have to do this", and you engage in the activity. But if someone else says to you, "You have to do this", you may not engage in the activity.. Also notice that, at least in this example, there is a referential index shift from "I" to "You", as well, which may contribute to the delta of the responses between the two.

If you stop . . . and think about each word individually, and notice the emotional charge, the location and the degree of that charge in your body, and the direction of that charge in your body, you'll begin to realize the power of these utterances. Each word taken individually enables you to realize this. Putting them into any context tends to confuse the power of the emotion with the context of the how it's used. So, I recommend that you experience first your own experience of each word.

This ability to make finer distinctions is a key to having more requisite variety in your own use of language and then be able to chunk up and build those distinctions into more potent, more persuasive, more influential sentences, and complete messages.

Now, add to this that, because of the subjectivity of our individual experiences, how we've individually learned to input, process, encode, decode, information, etc., everyone will not necessarily respond the same way for each of the words. And even if we were to agree on one of the words, the angle of the direction of the propulsion may be different, the degree of intensity could be different, the other submodality distinctions (visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory) will most likely be different, etc.

Add to this whether the Modal Operators are use proactively or reactively, adds yet another dimension to the propulsion. That's for another article still.

So, while we may be able to generalize enough experiences into a marketing message to appeal to most people, understand that the entire marketing piece would have various modal operators being used in contexts which would support as many people's *understanding* as possible in order to influence the most people possible reading the marketing piece.

For example, I was reading one marketing piece where the modal operator that was used most, by about 90% was the word *need*. Now, this is an interesting word. If you experience just that word for yourself first, notice the kinesthetic response you have. Now put it into a sentence for yourself . . . "I need to do X." Now hear me saying to you, "You need to do X" and notice the difference between them. I'm guessing, based on my own experiences, of course, that there is a very measurable difference between them. So, if all throughout this article, I were to write, "You need to do this", "You need to do that", etc., how far would you have read through to here?

The about 10% of the piece I read earlier had some "will be able to's" and a few "should's". While I'm not certain about it, I'll guess that they were using their own internal processes of "understanding" rather than the effect "their" understanding would have on their readers.

While doing the motivational talk that time in NJ, I was especially delighted when many of the members thanked me for the talk, but especially one of the members who came up to me and remarked how he had just realized how easy it is to change his life because "all" his life he didn't do things he wanted to do because he kept "telling himself" he couldn't and after 48 years, he realized he could just by adjusting his language. It made my day!!

As you communicate verbally, in the written form, etc., notice your modal operators and the responses you get when using them, both internally for yourself and externally with others.

©2018 John La Valle

Coming Up:

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - May 14th – 20th, 2018, London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP-May 12th – 20th , 2018-London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ - May 21-24, 2018 in London, UK - Alessio Roberti, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Charisma Enhancement® (Trainer Training)- July 17-22, 2018 - Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Check Out The Others with Richard Bandler Here

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Check This Out:

The Best You

Filled with advice on getting things done, confidence, self esteem, motivation, focus, feeling and looking great and doing whatever it takes to help you improve your life, The Best You is an antidote to bad news and feeling stuck in life.

What's more, this is far more than a magazine. Contains video interviews with celebrities and big names, who share their advice, their experience and their observations on life. Just click through to watch the interviews - which gave yet more advice and tips.

In all, The Best You is a smart, multimedia experience that will inspire, inform and entertain all at once - and guide you to become

The Best You

Visual, Auditory or Kinesthetic?

by James Seetoo

How often have you heard someone who has learned a bit about NLP say a person is “Visual” or “Auditory” or “Kinesthetic”?

Unfortunately, that’s a simplistic and counterproductive approach to Representational Systems. People use all of their senses to experience the world and although a person might have a tendency toward using one of the senses predominantly in a given situation, that doesn’t mean that a person will use it exclusively, especially when you’re working with a client to determine that person’s strategies.

When you speak with people, pay attention to the words they’re using. While that person may use words with a primary representational system, for example Visual when describing a movie, the same person could well use more Auditory words when describing music.

Have you ever seen a movie while it’s being scored? Without the music, it lacks emotional impact. You might not consciously notice the music but it plays a big part in building emotion in a scene. Filmmakers use visual, auditory and kinesthetic predicates in order to create an immersive experience. Thankfully Smellavision never took off.

So rather than chunking down immediately and categorizing people according to a predetermined script of VAKOG, get out of your head and pay attention to how they’re communicating with you.


©2018 James Seetoo

James Seetoo is an NLP Trainer/NLP Coaching Trainer and the author of the Best Selling Book, "The 5 Keys To Hypnotic Selling". He recently completed a sales training for a company resulting in a $1M revenue increase for the company and is working on his second book. He is available for trainings and coaching.

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Stanley’s Tool Kit

by Kay Cooke


Stanley arrived for his first coaching session as a miserable, middle aged, middle manager with a mind full of dread at the thought of going into the office to work each day.

Breakfasts were a torture ground of intense imagination where, he visualised each day ahead as a nightmare to avoid. Unsurprisingly most days in the office delivered much of what he feared, thus confirming his thinking bias. He felt hopeless.

An hour later and Stanley left the room with a spring in his step. A week later he emailed to say work life was much improved and, he’d taught his 14 year old son the same mind trick that he’d been practicing, with astonishing results.

Stanley’s process of generative change
“What do you want Stanley?” I asked as we began our first session of NLP coaching.

“What would you most like to see/hear/feel that would let you know you’d found a solution?”

“I need to improve my social skills” Stanley stated factually.

“And what would that do for you?” I wondered.

“I’d get on better with people in my office” he replied.

“What has stopped you getting on better with the people in your office?” I asked.

“I feel judged” he said.

A few ‘stories’ later, Stanley had loosened up a bit, we had laughed at the Iron Man suit he would like to have had in his wardrobe.

“So what feeling do you want instead?” I enquired.

“I want to feel less miserable, less stressed, less anxious.”

Stanley soon discovered this non brain friendly language confused his mind because the picture his brain created, still contained images of being stressed. In trying to drive his attention ‘away from’ feeling stressed, he had to keep looking back over his shoulder at the thing he was trying to avoid.

So we flipped the language into ‘calm confidence’ - a goal that his brain could aim itself towards, simply and clearly, feeling strong and resilient regardless of the behaviours and words of people around him.

The secret mind trick Stanley would later teach his son, was learning how to change the pictures and sounds inside his mind, changing the way he felt and therefore changing what he could do. Submodality algorithms are only limited by the creativity of the mind in charge.

Discovering he had a control panel for both ‘pictures’ and ‘sounds’ that could make him feel better or worse on purpose, was earth shattering for Stanley. “Why?” He asked “Why didn’t I know how to do this before now?”

I wondered if he could imagine a future where children are taught these tools routinely, at school. He could; I can, can you?

©2018 Kay Cooke

Kay Cooke is a Licensed Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming® based in the north of England. She works internationally to facilitate learning, develop creativity, and teach flexible thinking, adaptability and resilience in education, business and health.
Kay is also a Personal & Professional Development Consultant, Coach, Trainer & Facilitator Partner - The Managing Excellence Group

Shhhhhh: Kay is getting ready to launch something that is bound start a significant change in the world . . . stay tuned . . .

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The next program for Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ will be in May 2018 in London!

Congratulations to our most recent 2017 class in London and the full list is at

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SO WHAT'S Coming Up?

Coming Up:

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - May 14th – 20th, 2018, London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP-May 12th – 20th , 2018-London, UK – Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ - May 21-24, 2018 in London, UK - Alessio Roberti, John La Valle & Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP™ - July 7-15, 2018, Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Charisma Enhancement® (Trainer Training)- July 17-22, 2018 - Orlando, Florida - Richard Bandler, John La Valle and Kathleen La Valle

*Check Out The Others with Richard Bandler Here

FUTURE ISSUES will include more favorite topics, more tips for MORE EXQUISITE CUSTOMER SERVICE, STRATEGIES, MORE LANGUAGE USAGE, and of course, other areas of interest.

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