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|2. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM - Pam Castillo|
|3. THE PERSON WHO CONTROLS THE FRAME CONTROLS THE GAME - James Seetoo|
|4. WHERE CAN I FIND WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING?|
|5. SO, WHAT'S COMING UP?|
By John La Valle
I have listened to many, many people through the years and some of them in seminars, and some who have come for help or advice, or to learn how to run their own brains. Now I don't know about you, and I wonder if you think you talk too much or know others who talk to much.
I'm not writing about general everyday conversation, although there are people who dominate conversations too much. This is more about when someone starts a process, let's suppose here that it's a consultation of some sort, an example could be they want help with something personal. And I ask them, "So, how can I help you?" and they begin to bring forth all kinds of info that is irrelevant to the solution and they start from the beginning with loads of data that I'm attempting to sort through like, "Well, you see, a long time ago, I started this relationship with someone, and thought I could trust them, and before I knew it, do you know what they did? They blah blah blah blah . . .", and at that point I have no idea what they want help with.
Now, has it ever occurred some people that it's better to just answer the simple question or stay within the conversation? I think not.
At this juncture, you may be asking, "So, how would one handle this?" Well, if it's you who does this, I have something you can say to yourself, and I saw this on the internut, so it's become a meme of sorts. Remember this: "Stay in your lane." And that has lots of different meanings to it. Think about it.
I've learned a lot of simple things when growing up because I had lots of people who every now and then had a gem of wisdom slip from their lips, and so here are two of them that perhaps you've heard before or maybe not, so they're new. Of course, feel free to use them and we can start a movement called: "Shut the f*ck up!", whether it be for you or someone else, even though you wouldn't say these words to them, it's just the idea of it happening.
And the other I heard long ago is: "Empty barrels make a lot of noise."
So there's some food for thought before speaking.
©2019 John La Valle
By Pam Castillo
I hadnt slept well the night before because my mother was critically ill and I am her only advocate in the health care system, as well as her only child. So when I got into bed late at night on this night, I was sure Id fall fast asleep after having been up for nearly 24 hours already. NOPE. I tossed and turned, felt uncomfortable, and began to think about what could possibly help my mothers condition, or was it simply her time, the beginning of the end.
I began to re see in my minds eye my last visit with my mom in the nursing home that day. I led myself deeper into that familiar and comfortable trance state and I began looking at the finer distinctions I could make to re see her skin tone, the musculature of her thin face, the movements of her hands, her thin, frail body that continued to lose weight. I kept asking the question: what could possibly be going on here? You see, my mothers medical team could find nothing wrong with her. Mom had been scanned from head to toe and then some. NOTHING. Every organ without disease. She originally was taken in to rehabilitate with physical therapy from a compression fracture in her back. So yes, she was in considerable pain. But this happened once before, and this time was different. This was more than pain. I wondered if she simply lost her will to live, or was something being overlooked, misjudged, or missed all together. She was close to death, with shallow breathing, not always conscious. NOTHING wrong? How can that be? Then what is causing her slip away? I wanted to know.
I continued for a long, long time along this line of calibrating at the deeper levels, finding the finer distinctions, comparing and contracting what I knew medically with what I knew about my mom, and looking for the clues, the signals, the signs, the answers. Answers began to emerge and pop into my conscious awareness. NO she was NOT giving up - I know that look on her and this was not it. NO, this was not about the back pain - I know that look, those movements, that behavior from her. NO this was not those things. THEN WHAT? I asked. I waited. WHAT? WHAT is happening to cause my mom to deteriorate like this?
And then the answer came. IT came fast, hard, and with a knowing that I felt absolute certainty about. It was something I has spoken to her medical team about already. They assured me it could not be that. They tested that. ONLY I KNEW THEY WERE WRONG. And I it knew it in every fiber of my being. I called the nursing home first thing in the morning and asked to have an immediate blood test taken and told them what I wanted tested. They got the medical team to send the orders and within hours they got the blood drawn. It would take 24 hours for the results to come in, even under STAT (emergency) orders. And you NLPers guessed it! I WAS RIGHT. My mom had been so low on something that the body needs to survive, that her blood levels were nearly UNmeasurable. 0.01 was the reading. I KNEW IT. The team gave my mom the much needed replacement medication and at the time of this writing its only been 4 days and things are turning around. Shes perking up and says, YES, I think Im going to make it now, I feel life returning in me. - the sweetest sounding words I have ever heard my mom utter.
So I got answers. HOW? A simple trance you might say? Well, thats always helpful it just takes more. Much more. You have got to know what do in your trancework. And thats when the entire body of work we call NLP must come into play. First start with a belief that the answers to most anything are available and we can access so much more than we think. SO much more than we think. Then you have to have skills. Not just ideas and concepts that youve read about, skills that have become one with you that were installed, practiced so much that they deliver reliable results. And then some more practice combined with continuous learning.
You may recognize a few of the things I utilized in the above true story to get the answers I needed to help my mother. Skills such as, building strong beliefs, paying attention to my own discomfort trying to sleep and to know what that discomfort meant. It wasnt just the physical tossing and turning, I had to read my own signals accurately, to know there was something I needed to know. I used visual perceptions to find the finer distinctions, and shifted perspectives to calibrate and comprehend more. I asked only productive type questions as a means of leading my mind in the directions of desired outcomes, I asked things like whats different about this, or that look, etc. And many more tools of NLP layered in there.
These are the skills you can ONLY get in live NLP training. And honest-to-goodness, all the top training in the world amounts to not much if you dont practice it, use it daily, and continue to build your skills. Having lived by this philosophy for 2 decades now 20 years this August, I can honestly say my NLP just saved my own mothers life that she had been clinging to and waiting for someone, or something to help her.
If youre already NLP trained, then practice your skills, if your not yet, get going and plan to make NLP Training happen for you. If your NLP trained then make sure your children, and/or parents are too. Encourage your physician, your teachers, and your plumber. Everyone can benefit from NLP training and who knows what life might be saved because you decided to learn NLP, and use it in just about any context you can think of. I am more grateful today for having learned NLP than ever before and that gratefulness keeps growing. This year, because of my NLP skills, Ill still have my mom here to celebrate another Mothers Day in a few weeks. Happy Mothers Day Mom.
©2019 Pam Castillo
Thinking on Purpose is an indispensable guide to anyone
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Dr. Richard Bandler, Owen Fitzpatrick and Dr. Glenda Bradstock
by James Seetoo
Recently I was asked to speak with a team of Human Resources professionals involved in Organizational Development about how to improve their LinkedIn profiles and resumes as their jobs were being moved out of state and none of them could or would relocate. Now, you would think that people who work in HR would be somewhat up to date on these kinds of things but as it turns out, when under stress people tend to gravitate to the familiar and in this case, it was job seeker mode rather than HR Professional Mode especially as this group was made up of primarily people who are at the Director and above level.
And so, what began as a resume tips discussion transformed into a coaching session to literally change their perspective and the frame they were using from job seeker i.e. supplicant to professional executive where they are have an equal say in the job hunting process especially when it comes to phone and in-person interviews. By bringing their attention to the frame they were setting they were able to take control of those frames for their interactions with recruiters and potential employers. By changing their internal state, they then set the terms of the interaction to their advantage. Its like a game where you get to set the rules. Who has the advantage?
A frame gets set with every interaction, be it a date, a job interview or when dealing with a frustrating customer service issue. If you find yourself being carried along by a group and not satisfied with whats going on its because you havent set the frame around the interaction. By setting the frame of your interaction and taking control of your internal dialogue you give yourself the opportunity to get what you want. Others will try to collapse your frame and will try to set their own so as always, go back to Well Formed Outcomes, know what you want and set your intention and decide beforehand how you want to be treated.
As Victor Hugo said: Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet. If you havent done this before, do it and youll be surprised at how easy it is to achieve what you want.
©2017-2019 James Seetoo
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