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John's HOT NLP Tips November 2019 Issue
More than 20 Years on the Internet Without a Single Miss!

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3. FERTILITY RITES - Tina Taylor


John La Valle

One of the elements of language we teach in Persuasion Engineering® is Modal Operators, another category in the Meta/Milton Model of language. These are the words we use that either motivate or demotivate ourselves and/or others. You would recognize these such as: wish, like, want, need, must, have to, should, will, going to, can't should, shouldn't, could, can, won't, etc. While used in a sentence defines the context, more importantly the modal operator identifies the "edge of the direction that can change".

Every now, then as a speaker, I get calls for a motivational talk, which I enjoy doing, especially with the people who I know do most of the work! And to be able to shed some new light for them on how much more easily they can do their jobs brings me superb pleasure. So I had the wonderful opportunity to address a group of union shop stewards once right here in NJ. And I decided to *teach* them something about their everyday usage of language, sequencing of words, and specifically the use of Modal Operators.

I continue to be fascinated at how easily each and every one of us takes our language for granted, no matter which country we live in. That's to say, generally we don't pay much particular attention to what we say, how we say it, or how much of it we say. Of course we have momentary glimpses of the process, but by then it's usually too late, or we've already said it. Now, that's not necessarily a bad or wrong thing, because as we notice it, we have the opportunity to correct it for ourselves in the next use in the future.

Back to those Modal Operators: the reason I say it's the "edge of the direction", as well as the propulsion, is because of how each of the Modal Operators is connected kinesthetically, emotionally. Some are more emotionally charged than others, obviously, and some propel in a forward direction and some in a backward direction, and some may even move us laterally, sideways, that is.

Now add to this that, as used, Modal Operators are very probably different when used internally than externally. You may very well motivate yourself by telling yourself, "I have to do this", and you engage in the activity. But if someone else says to you, "You have to do this", you may not engage in the activity.. Also notice that, at least in this example, there is a referential index shift from "I" to "You", as well, which may contribute to the delta of the responses between the two.

If you stop . . . and think about each word individually, and notice the emotional charge, the location and the degree of that charge, and the direction of that charge, you'll begin to realize the power of these utterances. Each word taken individually enables you to realize this. Putting them into any context tends to confuse the power of the emotion with the context of the how it's used. So, I recommend that you experience first your own experience of each word. This ability to make finer distinctions is a key to having more requisite variety in your own use of language and then be able to chunk up and build those distinctions into more potent, more persuasive, more influential sentences, and complete messages.

Now, add to this that, because of the subjectivity of our individual experiences, how we've individually learned to input, process, encode, decode, information, etc., everyone will not necessarily respond the same way for each of the words. And even if we were to agree on one of the words, the angle of the direction of the propulsion may be different, the degree of intensity could be different, the other submodality distinctions (visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory) will most likely be different, etc.

Add to this whether the Modal Operators are use proactively or reactively, adds yet another dimension to the propulsion. That's for another article still.

So, while we may be able to generalize enough experiences into a marketing message to appeal to most people, understand that the entire marketing piece would have various modal operators being used in contexts which would support as many people's *understanding* as possible in order to influence the most people possible reading the marketing piece.

For example, I was reading one marketing piece where the modal operator that was used most, by about 90% was the word *need*. Now, this is an interesting word. If you experience just that word for yourself first, notice the kinesthetic response you have. Now put it into a sentence for yourself . . . "I need to do X." Now hear me saying to you, "You need to do X" and notice the difference between them. I'm guessing, based on my own experiences, of course, that there is a very measurable difference between them. So, if all throughout this article, if I were to write, you need to do this, you need to do that, etc., how far would you have read through to here? The about 10% of the piece I read had some "will be able to's" and a few "should's". While I'm not certain about it, I'll guess that they were using their own internal processes of "understanding" rather than the effect "their" understanding would have on their readers.

While doing the motivational talk that time in NJ, I was especially delighted when many of the members thanked me for the talk, but especially one of the members who came up to me and remarked how he had just realized how easy it is to change his life because "all" his life he didn't do things he wanted to do because he kept "telling himself" he couldn't and after 48 years, he realized he could just by adjusting his language. It made my day!!

As you communicate verbally, in the written form, etc., notice your modal operators and the responses you get when using them, both internally for yourself and externally with others.

©2019 La Valle

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“Empathitis” thru Self-Referential Analogue Marking

by Khalid Khan

I once met a doctor who left the profession after ten years as a family physician and went into the civil service.

He told a group of us, "Every time you see patient you take on a little of their problems …do this for years and it builds up like a slow poison; my advice - leave medicine now while you still can.”

Since then I have heard similar statements from a variety of healthcare practitioners including students, nurses, therapists and professors.

Does daily exposure to other people's difficulties, symptoms and problems somehow impart problem traces onto the professional involved? Practitioners are often immersed in the second perceptual position in order to help their client as best they can.

Recently , one of our trainees discussed a patient with a rash –accurately described the symptoms and appearance … whilst simultaneously indicating the distribution of the rash on her own body using hand gestures (with accompanying vocal analogues).

This “Self-Referential Analogue Marking” {SRAM} behaviour seems especially common in juniors and trainees. That is, switching referential index so they mark out on themselves another person’s symptoms or problems.

I have a discussion with trainees on a regular basis. I point out that this behaviour shows great empathy and the ability to step into the 2nd position. But also that marking on oneself another person's problems (including emotional or physical ) creates suggestions that may slip past one’s critical awareness invoking the unconscious mind’s ability to follow instructions it considers are directed toward it.

This includes behaviour such as indicating on oneself where the feelings of fear, panic anxiety reside in the client or where the pain/rash or any other symptoms are experienced.

Done repeatedly over several years, this is an agonist for empathy’s “dark side” contributing towards the ‘empathitis’ and burn out that my colleague had alluded to earlier.

I therefore make a point of telling trainees who may be self-referentially analogue marking to :

1. Avoid self-referential analogue marking

2. If they must self-reference, then do so with awareness, congruently with the inner mind being aware of what is required of it [just doing this actually seems to do the trick]

3. Do the analogue markings/gestures with the actual client - also works as a tool for reflection i.e. you can repeat back to the client what the issue is to show you have listened to them and have an appreciation of what their difficulty might be,
– AND then

4. Finish off with a, useful suggestion such as a future-pace or tell them how the treatment or therapy will work to relieve the problem or / how symptoms may improve etc. - again with more appropriate use analogues etc.

© Khalid Khan 2015-2019

There is a great discussion on "Avoiding Compassion Fatigue - the Dark Side of Empathy" in Chapter 3 of the new edition of Magic in Practice: Introducing Medical NLP: The Art and Science of Language in Healing and Health by Garner Thomson with foreword by Richard Bandler.
Available from Amazon .com

and Amazon

Dr. Khan is a UK family physician, Primary Care Tutor , Acupuncturist and Licensed NLP Trainer in Surrey, UK and can be reached by email:

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Thinking on Purpose is an indispensable guide to anyone who wants to make changes in their life. Most people don’t really ‘think’. They ‘remember’.
That’s why they are often destined to repeat the same negative patterns over and over again.
Dr. Richard Bandler, the genius behind NLP who has changed the lives of millions of people through his life’s work,
teams up with Owen Fitzpatrick and Dr. Glenda Bradstock to offer you a 15 day, step by step guide to thinking smarter, better and on purpose so you can build a much brighter future.

Available at Amazon, Apple, Kobo, B&N on March 1st 2019. Available in your local book stores today

Dr. Richard Bandler, Owen Fitzpatrick and Dr. Glenda Bradstock

Order Yours Here Today!


by Tina Taylor

I specialise in helping couples with fertility issues. In my private practice I often find that my client's problems stem from beliefs they have, many of these they have been persuaded to accept by others. The persuaders often think that they know best and express their views from a position of authority, and in some cases truly believe they are helping. Their suggestions are accepted without question, you could say they are hypnotised into their belief. And yet many of the people who take on these suggestions are the very people who are skeptical about hypnosis and its effectiveness; totally unaware of just how easily they can be persuaded to accept negative suggestions.

The mind has enormous power over the body, which is constantly influenced by our emotions, thoughts and beliefs. Our thoughts and beliefs can affect our bodies, even manifesting themselves physically. We are able to change physical symptoms by how we feel. For example; when watching a movie we sometimes get so caught up in the story that the feelings we get for the characters are real.

There are many factors responsible for infertility, and our emotions can affect the delicately balanced hormonal system, which in turn controls ovulation, spermatogenesis and pregnancy.

Over the last twenty years there has been a significant rise in the number of people who experience problems conceiving. Approximately 25% of couples planning to have a baby experience problems, and it is common for them to take two - three years to conceive their first child. Of those who seek medical help 30% are told they have unexplained infertility for which medical science can offer no explanation.

After trying for a child they go to their medical practitioner "just to make sure" everything is OK and are given suggestions like "they have old eggs", "they have left it too late", and one couple was actually told that they were incompatible. We are programmed from a very early age to rely on doctors opinions for our health and well-being and so these suggestions are readily accepted.

Most of the fears and beliefs that my clients have, they have acquired from "well-meaning" medical professionals, their families (mothers, aunts, grandmothers) and friends. People that they trust who think that by making them accept the possibility that they wont conceive that they are actually helping them. Many of my clients need help with their relationship with their partner too, often saying things like "maybe the doctor is right when he/she says we are incompatible".

Women in their thirties and forties often get pregnant and produce healthy children, and in the past 20 years births to the over 40's has increased by 50%. It is even possible to become pregnant whilst in the menopause, many women fall pregnant this way because they think "they are safe".

Biologically it is more efficient for women to have their families when they are young. But in recent years the average age of women having their first baby has been going up because many of us now want to establish ourselves in a career before starting families. The media's (recent) inclination to depict women over 35 who want babies as desperate, caught up in a biological clock panic and having wombs that are too old to work can damage the beliefs of millions of women. Given that thoughts and beliefs stimulate hormonal secretions through our bodies these statements can become biological realities in women who believe they really are too old to have babies.

There is a connection between language and our well being. The people around us influencing us, the words they use persuading us. I am sure we have all met people who can change how you feel as soon as you meet. There are those people we love to be with because they make us feel so good and then there are others ………. Almost like mood hovers they travel through life sucking up all the good feelings around them, bringing you down. Emotions, feelings are infectious.

Most surgeons nowadays are aware of the effect their language can have in the operating theatre. Although the patient is not conscious, their unconscious is constantly aware and listening and there have been cases of people recalling later things that were said whilst they were under anesthesia. Hyper sensitive to what was being said around them and responding accordingly. Many doctors are now also becoming more and more aware of how their language also affects the conscious patient, using language to give hope rather than set their patients up for failure.

©2006 Tina Taylor

Tina Taylor is a Licensed Master Trainer of NLP™, Hypnotherapist and Design Human Engineer™ . Through her private practice she specialises in helping couples with fertility issues as well as teaching them how to use hypnosis in childbirth.
Check her site today, as she has lots there including free downloads!!

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The Best You

Filled with advice on getting things done, confidence, self esteem, motivation, focus, feeling and looking great and doing whatever it takes to help you improve your life, The Best You is an antidote to bad news and feeling stuck in life.

What's more, this is far more than a magazine. Contains video interviews with celebrities and big names, who share their advice, their experience and their observations on life. Just click through to watch the interviews - which gave yet more advice and tips.

In all, The Best You is a smart, multimedia experience that will inspire, inform and entertain all at once - and guide you to become

The Best You

The next program for Licensed NLP Coaching Trainer™ announced!

Congratulations to our most recent 2019 class in London and the full list is at

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THE FINEST NLP INSTITUTES AROUND THE WORLD: check them out for your NLP programs!

Banishing Phobias - Richard Bandler: Get This Here by Clicking Here
Secrets of Success - Richard Bandler: Get This Here by Clicking Here



Thinking on Purpose is an indispensable guide to anyone who wants to make changes in their life. Most people don’t really ‘think’. They ‘remember’.
That’s why they are often destined to repeat the same negative patterns over and over again.
Dr. Richard Bandler, the genius behind NLP who has changed the lives of millions of people through his life’s work,
teams up with Owen Fitzpatrick and Dr. Glenda Bradstock to offer you a 15 day, step by step guide to thinking smarter, better and on purpose so you can build a much brighter future.

Available at Amazon, Apple, Kobo, B&N on March 1st 2019. Available in your local book stores today

Dr. Richard Bandler, Owen Fitzpatrick and Dr. Glenda Bradstock

Order Yours Here Today!

The Definitive Guide to NLP for Teaching and Learning

Richard Bandler & Kate Benson
Order yours today here!

Magic in Practice: Introducing Medical NLP
The Art and Science of Language in Healing and Health

by Garner Thomson with Dr. Khalid Khan

This edition, with new introduction by Richard Bandler, is fully revised and updated

Available Here:

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