John's HOT NLP Tips March 2010 Issue
Over 11 Years without a miss!
When
traveling the globe, I personally use this program
and it has been an absolute super addition to my traveling office:
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| 3. THE STILL OR NOT SO STILL, SMALL OR NOT SO SMALL VOICE WITHIN!! - Bridget Clapham |
| 4. WHERE CAN I FIND IT? |
| 5. JOHN'S OTHER HOT PICKS |
| 6. SO, WHAT'S COMING UP? |
DECISIONS, DECISIONSby John La ValleFor years I've been telling people that if they're working harder than their clients or customers, then they are doing something wrong! Now, since this means they ought to take a look at what they're doing and how, I like to start before where most people think any strategy starts. Even in your own decision making, there are places to check for what you're sorting for, especially when choosing who you want as customers. That's right, too many people throw out the net and try catch as many as they can. And if you prescribe to the Pareto Principal at all, then you know that 80% of your business comes from 20% of your customers, and that you spend most of your time with the other 80% who either don't give you business, or very little. The best sales people have something very special that they do: they *decide* if the relationship is right! While many people think that "closing" the sale is where it's at, I can tell you from my own experience that it's not! In today's market, it's about *Relationship Management*. It has been all along, but it's even more important today than ever. The internet has changed the world dramatically! People, like me, like you, are inundated daily with information, offers, opportunities, etc. And this has caused a shift in the Meta Program Sequencing of many, many people. Because of the *stack overload* of the information, I find that many people now are filtering their email, hence their input, based on *who* is sending it, as a primary sort. This tells me a lot about the value of relationships! And it may also have crossed over into the context of regular junk snail mail, or perhaps that's where it started. At any rate, the information isn't enough, anymore. So, how best to manage the relationship of selling? Similar to your other relationships, if you have a good strategy for that. Who do you want to do business with? Of course you'd want them to have a need or desire for your product or service, but what about your other criteria? Do you really want to do business with everyone? Aren't there some customers you already have that are more work than return? Even with our seminars, there are people we turn away, for their good, as well as ours. Think about who your potential customers are and let's assume they have a need or desire for what you have to offer. Here are
some questions worth asking
yourself about them, or
of them, even, although
you'll want to change
some of the questions
a bit:
When you can detect these, it puts *You* into a position deciding whether or not *You* want them as a customer! And that then changes your selling strategy, doesn't it! Enjoy!! ©2010 John La Valle
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Soften Those Questionsby Barbara SteppSome people can become annoyed when we ask questions, too many questions or questions like" what specifically?" or "how specifically?" There are ways we can avoid that and still get the information we need. Rapport is the art of being the same. It will help us gather the information we are looking for. Rapport is also a choice we can make deliberately. A useful way of doing this is to ask Meta Model™ questions using softeners. Use softeners like "I wonder, I'm curious, can you tell me, "can you help me". These can gather the information without annoying our listener. A few of my favorite questions are "What do you mean by that? How do you know that? What makes it that way? For what purpose? So we can use Meta Model questions with softeners to get more information, avoid roadblocks in our communication and maintain rapport. So use your NLP™ skills of rapport and the Meta Model™ for this purpose and you will discover many more areas in which to apply them. As I often say, "Keep it simple sweetie" Try it . . . it works! ©2010 Barbara Stepp
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The Still or Not So Still, Small or Not So Small Voice Within!!Tyrant or friend "The only tyrant I accept in the world is the still small voice within me"---Mahatma Gandhi. By Bridget Clapham
Our inner dialogue or self talk is hugely powerful and influences us in a powerful way, moment to moment. Our state in any moment is influenced hugely by what we are listening to and not just the words. The WAY we are talking to ourselves has more impact than the words we are listening to. Years ago, when I was teaching communication skills to Doctors and Nurses I always emphasised the importance of tonality pace etc. as being crucial to the meaning of the message when communicating to another individual. When I ran programmes about Stress management and Resilience I did teach about self talk and still I admit focussed mainly on the what of what we are saying to ourselves!! A little on the how yet way too little!!! It was, however, only when I sat in a room with 750 others as an NLP Practitioner delegate and learned from Richard Bandler about the power of submodalities that the learning really took off for me!! Those skill drills eliciting submodalities were so important and exercises in changing them were truly lessons in driving the bus as Richard would say!! I am guessing that, at times, we can all identify with the Tyrant concept that Ghandi referred to. Sometimes that inner voice is anything BUT still and small it can be downright loud, destructive, tyrannical even and certainly can lead us to feelings of depression, guilt, anger, frustration, panic fear ,anxiety and other states far removed from and overwhelmingly different from the happiness and freedom available within. When we talk to ourselves in positive words matched with a positive tonality and get the pitch, volume and inner smile in the voice, boy does it feel different! Much of my work with clients in and outside corporate land is around giving people tools with which to achieve more joy… one of those sets of tools is about managing their voice within! Below is a summary of what they and I learn and practice! Firstly to pay attention to and to notice how you are feeling and tune in to your inner voice as if tuning into a radio!!! 1 Notice the
inner dialogue After all, there isn't really anyone there (truly!!) just a set of neural pathways firing off ---electrical activity represented as a voice. For many clients, corporate and private, this in itself is enough to get them to take control! They can picture a set off pathways and the electrical activity and imagine putting a block in so that the pathway can't fire off in the same way any more. Cool!! If the voice persists there are several techniques which, if you are a practitioner of NLP you will be aware of. I often tell the story of a client Ryan who learned how to have better conversations in his head with fabulous results for his happiness and achievement. Ryan was 10 years old when I worked with him. His father called me and told me that Ryan had a promising tennis career and yet had "lost all of his confidence" He had become anxious increasingly worried and had become fearful about playing matches. Whilst he was fine in training he had lost every match in recent weeks. Could I help? I wanted first to elicit whether I was talking to a father who had sights set on a Grand Slam Title and whether Ryan was a reluctant to climb up the tennis ladder. A quick chat to Ryan convinced me. The young man LOVED his tennis and wanted to enjoy his matches and to win again. Ryan and I worked together once and kept in touch by phone. This young man had developed a very critical, frustrated, irritated, superior and aggressive inner voice. " You are useless at Tennis, the other boy will be better than you, you will miss all your shots, you may as well give up, you're a useless failure" Those were just a few of the hypnotic suggestions he was bathing in on a daily basis! He wanted to enjoy his tennis, feel happy confident and motivated to win with a lovely mix of excitement and anticipation before and during his matches. He wanted the feeling of winning, success and celebration back!! Mastering his inner voice was the key to him achieving his desired change. We did other things too yet the major shift came when he changed his inner dialogue! I gave him several tools with which to do this. The one he like best and used the most was imagining he was listening to a track on his Ipod and simply changing tracks!! After all, why would he listen to something that was making him feel bad!? I then asked him to imagine tuning to a different track, an audio book yet that didn't seem to help. We had been talking about favourite Tennis players, TV shows movies etc. so I seized an idea (the client will always provide the answer!!) I asked him to create his own inner confidence coach and to imagine what that person would say to him about his tennis... I suggested his favourite player and many times Grand Slam Champion (mistake Bridget, too directive, remember the rules!) and he said, very cutely "Do I have to have a tennis player?" No" I said, it's your brain, you can have whoever you like!!" "I know who I will have" he said suddenly and, as he did so his whole physiology changed. He sat up tall, smiled and I knew the change we were waiting for had happened!!! "Who will you have then?" I asked. "Mr. T" he said!!! (What a fabulous coach strong, solid, confident and BIG!!!) "Fantastic" says Bridget-"fabulous coach after all he only deals with the A team". Ryan who was on a roll then said "Is it OK if I have two?" "Who else have you got on your team now then"I asked "Rocky" grinned Ryan!!! And got even taller if that was possible! I got him to close his eyes and imagine walking in court Mr. T on one side Rocky on the other with Eye of the Tiger blaring through the speakers and ----job done! We did some great visualisations, more work on building great states and then,….off he went head held high and brimming with confidence and a great big smile. He started to win his matches again and, whilst he may or may not become a Grand Slam Champion, he now has an idea and a sense of what it could feel like!! Inner tyrant to Inspirational inner coach in a short session! Ryan's story has inspired many of my adult clients both private and at CEO and Director level in corporate land. Whilst the tyrant may well pop up from time to time, it's good to remember who is in charge! ©2010 Bridget Clapham
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