The Unfair and Ludicrous Comparison

by Steven Burns

One of the most intriguing beliefs that a lot of people have is the belief that because someone is excellent at something or displays incredible levels of skill it means that you can never become as skilful as them so there is no point in even trying.

This is a commonly held belief for a lot of people and it stops them from even attempting to learn a new skill.

I remember speaking to a friend of mine at a dinner party who has an interest in modern art. After the initial chit-chat we naturally moved onto the subject of art and I asked her what her future plans were. She replied by telling me how de-motivated she was and that she just couldn't seem to get herself into the right frame of mind to produce any artwork worthy of note. When I asked her what was stopping her from feeling motivated her reply was fascinating. She said, "Well it all started when I went to an art exhibition the other day and almost every piece of work was incredible...nearly perfect in every way...and I thought to myself...there is no way I can ever be as good as this so what's the point in even trying!"

For some reason or another, a lot of people have the tendency to look at someone who does something really well, compare themselves to them, feel helpless and de-motivated and then consequently make no attempt to even start.

The reality of the situation, however, is that to hold on to this belief is completely and utterly ridiculous! Adopting this kind of attitude is a little bit like deciding to learn how to play the guitar and then saying to yourself, 'oh what's the point, I'm not as good as Jimmy Hendrix so there's no point in even starting!"

In fact, when you really think about it, because someone has managed to become exquisitely good at something actually means that you are more likely to become good at that skill. Due to the fact that you can learn from them and find out what they did to become as skilled as they have, your chances of learning that skill become greatly increased. A more useful approach to take is, rather than comparing yourself to someone who is excellent at what they do, compare yourself with yourself.

Now, at first glance, this may seem like a strange concept but it is an extremely effective and stress free way to learn a new skill. The key is to notice where you are at the moment in life and then, as you progress in various different areas, notice how much you are improving in comparison to how you were when you started.

One of my close friends summed it up perfectly while we were enjoying a round of golf together. Someone had asked him if he thought he was a better golfer than the rest of his friends and he replied, "I have absolutely no idea . . . all I know is that I am roughly twice as good a golfer as I was this time last year.

By making this shift in attitude it enables you to focus your attention on your own personal development as opposed to trying to figure out whether or not you are better than someone else. There is also a high probability that you will begin to feel a wonderfully pleasurable sense of growth and progression as you become more and more skilful in your chosen application.

It is, however, still important to have a model of excellence.

While I have stated that it is not useful to compare yourself to someone who is excellent at a particular skill, it is, obviously, still useful to identify a model of excellence in your particular field. However, rather than comparing yourself to them, view them as proof that it is possible to reach that level of skill and recognise that they are an invaluable resource that you can learn from in order to accelerate your own learning.

©2009 Steven Burns

Being Confident

by Steve Boyley

CONFIDENCE, OR THE lack of it, is a huge factor in peoples lives. One of the most common questions people ask me is how to be more confident. Now what they are really asking is how they can be confident at times when they are not and want to be, they feel that they could achieve what they want at those times if they felt confident. Feeling confident is a resourceful state of mind, whereas feeling unconfident generally gets in the way of taking action and finding solutions.

Confidence: A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.

CONFIDENT AND UNCONFIDENT are two sides of the same coin, and like a coin, only one side at a time is evident. Whenever un-confidence is felt, it indicates that confidence is present. Ironically, when a person feels unconfident they are quite confident that they feel unconfident. There are plenty of things they are confident about, that have brought them to the conclusion that they are unconfident about something.

Stop thinking about what you can't do. Focusing on what you are confident you can do, puts you into a confident, resourceful, state.

CONFIDENCE, SELF ASSURANCE, is perceived as a feeling. The confident feeling and accompanying behavioral response are the same no matter what it is in reference to. To feel and behave confidently, mentally make an inventory of what you are confident you can do. Now confidently make a list of things you are confident you want to be able to do. Focusing on what you are confident you can do, will assist you to begin confidently learning to do what you want to be able to do confidently. You can be confident of that!

All the best,

Steve Boyley